Snicker

-Unknown period of time before the events of Sneaky, the man John in this is an unknown ancestor of the man John in Sneaky-

"Mail, I wonder what junk I'm going to get today," muttered the man John, "I'm betting on advertisements for window glazing, it's a Tuesday today, must be window glazing."
"Let's see now, we've got electricity bill, magic tax, window glazing, there I knew it! Huh. What's this here?"
The man John held up a crinkly, stereotypical mysterious and interestingly, yellow envelope (the man John pronounces it as an-velope, not on-velope like the rest of us). People writing about crinkly, stereotypical mysterious yellow envelopes would probably attribute the yellow bit to age or something so cliched. The truth is, this envelope is yellow for the very simple fact that the mysterious sender probably had bad taste or horrible eyesight in choosing envelope colours. (Personally, I think its eyesight) I mean, who in their right minds would pick a bright yellow for an envelope? T'is such a wussy colour. Brown would be so much more manly.
Anyway, back to the story. The envelope had the man John's address and name written in very precise letters, almost as if they were printed. But we all know that its not printed because at that age, people never printed, though they had computers. They only printed photos. Unless this letter comes from the future. That would be a very cliched storyline.
But let us not digress so much. he opened up the crinkly, stereotypical mysterious yellow envelope and there was a sound like ghostly, mystical wind sweeping lightly through the air.
In the crinkly, stereotypical mysterious yellow envelope, there was a even more crinkly, positively cliched, downright anonymous pink letter. Man, the sender must have had really bad eyesight.
So, the letter said (Well, not actually said, just what the words on it were. A letter that speaks must be real spooky. I bet its voice would sound just like Morgan Freeman. The whole, Hi this is God here sort of thing),

Letter starts
"This is a letter. I am sure you could tell as it arrived from the mail. However, by opening this incredibly cliched envelope, and I assure you, it is pronounced on-velope, you have released a platitude which is a mystical ghost. By the way, he has schizophrenia *I'm not very sure if I spelled it right* and has quite a few personalities. He will take up permanent residence in your house and serve you and all your descendants that are to come. Below is a list of personalities so far encountered and character traits *and don't ask why they all start with an L except for one or two*:
Lysp - in charge and polite
Lymp - Indecisive
Lyke - rather genial
Slyp - Gives sleepy-head a new definition
Lyfe - rather existential
Lus - wanders a lot
Lyop - mostly reminds me of coral
Lyter - likes oranges and lemons
Lycon - will try to play poker with you and cheat
Lysen - very comforting, listens to problems
Lyar - loves to 'enhance' the truth
Lyne - A figure without depth; one lacking any sort of hidden meaning or interest. Shallow. Banal. Simplistic. Predictable - even painfully obvious. Overdone. Going in one direction, and not even a particularly interesting one at that. 'Nuff said."
Letter ends

"Huh. I've never seen such crap."
"That's true. I, for one, can't believe he left so many of us out." A disinterested voice spoke up.
"Whuh?" The man John looked around but saw no one.
"You can't see us, we're a ghost, remember?"
"That letter was true?"
"Yes. How very boring. Nice house. Must be nice, having such a boring place."
The man John looked for a return address. There was none. Ain't that just expected?