Snicker

-Unknown period of time before the events of Sneaky, the man John in this is an unknown ancestor of the man John in Sneaky-

"Mail, I wonder what junk I'm going to get today," muttered the man John, "I'm betting on advertisements for window glazing, it's a Tuesday today, must be window glazing."
"Let's see now, we've got electricity bill, magic tax, window glazing, there I knew it! Huh. What's this here?"
The man John held up a crinkly, stereotypical mysterious and interestingly, yellow envelope (the man John pronounces it as an-velope, not on-velope like the rest of us). People writing about crinkly, stereotypical mysterious yellow envelopes would probably attribute the yellow bit to age or something so cliched. The truth is, this envelope is yellow for the very simple fact that the mysterious sender probably had bad taste or horrible eyesight in choosing envelope colours. (Personally, I think its eyesight) I mean, who in their right minds would pick a bright yellow for an envelope? T'is such a wussy colour. Brown would be so much more manly.
Anyway, back to the story. The envelope had the man John's address and name written in very precise letters, almost as if they were printed. But we all know that its not printed because at that age, people never printed, though they had computers. They only printed photos. Unless this letter comes from the future. That would be a very cliched storyline.
But let us not digress so much. he opened up the crinkly, stereotypical mysterious yellow envelope and there was a sound like ghostly, mystical wind sweeping lightly through the air.
In the crinkly, stereotypical mysterious yellow envelope, there was a even more crinkly, positively cliched, downright anonymous pink letter. Man, the sender must have had really bad eyesight.
So, the letter said (Well, not actually said, just what the words on it were. A letter that speaks must be real spooky. I bet its voice would sound just like Morgan Freeman. The whole, Hi this is God here sort of thing),

Letter starts
"This is a letter. I am sure you could tell as it arrived from the mail. However, by opening this incredibly cliched envelope, and I assure you, it is pronounced on-velope, you have released a platitude which is a mystical ghost. By the way, he has schizophrenia *I'm not very sure if I spelled it right* and has quite a few personalities. He will take up permanent residence in your house and serve you and all your descendants that are to come. Below is a list of personalities so far encountered and character traits *and don't ask why they all start with an L except for one or two*:
Lysp - in charge and polite
Lymp - Indecisive
Lyke - rather genial
Slyp - Gives sleepy-head a new definition
Lyfe - rather existential
Lus - wanders a lot
Lyop - mostly reminds me of coral
Lyter - likes oranges and lemons
Lycon - will try to play poker with you and cheat
Lysen - very comforting, listens to problems
Lyar - loves to 'enhance' the truth
Lyne - A figure without depth; one lacking any sort of hidden meaning or interest. Shallow. Banal. Simplistic. Predictable - even painfully obvious. Overdone. Going in one direction, and not even a particularly interesting one at that. 'Nuff said."
Letter ends

"Huh. I've never seen such crap."
"That's true. I, for one, can't believe he left so many of us out." A disinterested voice spoke up.
"Whuh?" The man John looked around but saw no one.
"You can't see us, we're a ghost, remember?"
"That letter was true?"
"Yes. How very boring. Nice house. Must be nice, having such a boring place."
The man John looked for a return address. There was none. Ain't that just expected?

Sneaky

"Good evening, sir." A disembodied voice rings out.
"Hello, Lyspe."
"I believe that I am currently Layt at the moment, sir."
"Ah. That would explain the sudden politeness."
"Oui oui, sir. How was your day today, mon ami?"
The man John started, "Well, it was kind of weird. First, there is a sudden and piercing sense of dramatism that befell me sometime during lunch, as if someone had fallen to his or her knees and yelled a largely dramatic 'Noooo'. Then, there was this guy whom I walked past in the street and his voice was abnormal. It was like multiple voices spoke at the same time. I quite liked his tattoo on the neck though."
"What sort of tattoo was it, mon ami, is I may ask?"
"Like a 'c', except with longer tails and a sharp cut originating from the top tail of the 'c' and cutting diagonally down to the right through the bottom tail."
"Ah, an AIDA." The voice whispers softly.
"What did you say?"
"Nothing, sir. Nothing of consequence. Nothing that would at all interest you. Nope. Not at all. Abosolutely nothing. It's just a man John."
"Which man John?"
"Forget I ever asked, sir."
The man John continued walking down his mansion.
"Layt?"
"I am Slyp now, friend."
"You change so fast I can hardly keep up."
"I do not change, it is our mind that takes its turn. I, however, am the same as I was since the last we talked."
"Not the point. Anyway, I just wanted to ask if you could help me do some research on this thing I heard. It's called the Braced Thread. I have no idea what it is. I overheard it from that man I mentioned. You know, the one with the tattoo."
Another whisper, "AIDA..."
"What?"
"I said nothing. I will search for it for you."

Rant

I just can't figure it out. Life is so ... depressing and they come and bother me with a tesseract? I mean, who in their right mind would deal with a hypercube while my relatives are all dying? I mean, sheesh, normally I would be the first to play around with a four-dimensional figure but they ask me to solve a problem about it now? During the blasted funeral? Those guys coming over about a Dirac Sea was bad enough, and that stupid Nash Equilibrium thing was just irritating but now they want me to use a tesseract to do a similarity question on a dekeract?
Isn't a ten-dimension cube a little teeny weeny bit of an overkill? How in the blazes do I find their similarity ratio? It has 11520 faces while the tesseract has only 24! Next thing I know, they're going to ask me about non-Eucli-
Wait, don't touch that! You don't touch that! Don't touch th-! You, you, you basterd, do you know how long it took for me just to fix a model of a bloody six-dimensional cube! I'll murder you! I'll cut your head off and play basketball with it!
You know what? Screw this. Just screw it all up. I don't give the south end of a northbound dire rat about this anymore. You didn't get that? Just- Ah, never mind. Word play is lost on you. No! Word play does not mean Scrabble, you filthy fool! You can all go stick your questions up your own-

-This rant has been interrupted due to improper language and conduct-

Self

He - no, it sat in the corner of a fast-food restaurant outlet.
The thing just sat there and sipped his drink. Everyone who saw him only saw his outer appearance, human and normal. If anyone knew what was going on in him....
So... uh, I'm part of this "hive mind" sort of thing now?
Yes. Forgive Us for the breaking of the spine and all that. We absorbed you, for you have certain knowledge We lack.
What do you- uh, We lack?
The ability to blend in with the crowd. Simply put, social skills.
Uh huh. What are We anyway?
We do not know. Our origins are still a mystery to Ourselves. The oldest of Us is Recrem.
Weird. So We all share control of this body?
Indeed. We dictate the actions of it but we typically put it to a vote.
What, everything you do?
No, indeed. We typically get one... spirit? consciousness to oversee the body's needs. Only major decisions are voted for.
For example?
Who to assimilate, where we're going to go for lunch, where we are going to stay next, which bank to rob, the list goes on.
Wait... You rob banks?
How else do we get money without working?
I can see that I'm going to take a long time to get used to this whole not being actually corporeal thing.

Please Read This

Hello? This ain't a story. t'is just a shout out to my readers or anyone on my blog really. I just want to say that if you're an author, please please please please WRITE. I don't want to be the only 1 writing and hogging the comments aye? Even tho it feels good... ANYWAYS. readers who have a good story please share it. it don't matter whether you thought of it or not. if u want to share then just email me or send a message. well, ty all for reading this. goodnight to u all who read this at night cos imma go sleep nowww.

Accuracy fail at holidays,
Ben/Li-Jun

Consume, Conform, Obeyyyyyyy
-courtesy of the Mr. Snaffleburger corporation